A Few Months of Grieving and Back To Life!

It's been tough - I won't make any bones about it.

First we lost Skallywag in January, and then Rusty in June.  They were such sweet and wonderful souls - they brought so much goodness and light energy to our home.  Both Samson and Simon were devastated by the loss.  They've also been helping me grieve, as well.

So, for the first time since we said "Farewell, old friend" to Rusty, we ventured to the River for some exercise and sun. 



What many don't know at this time, is that Simon walks with a brace now. 

Last year, when we took Skally in to the vet (her last visit - due to cancer that had metastasized) Simon also went in for x-rays.  They discovered he had torn all the ligaments and tendons that held his knee together with his lower leg - so all he has is bone-on-bone action.  Ouch!

So, the option was to operate and try to hold him quiet for 8 weeks (that would take a miracle!), or the brace, which would have the same end effect - arthritis (owie!)

We were also told that he needed to be walking consistently to keep the muslces in his leg strong.  We'll also be looking at underwater treadmill therapy, besides his walking and other regular routines. 

So, Anyhow, off we went today to the Sandy River in order to visit the Thousand Acre Dog Park.  Well, we weren't the only ones to arrive...So, we parked about a mile away and walked across the road to the river where dogs needed to be leashed. 

Sammy and Simon didn't really care!  They were so excited!  Off we went.  We took the path in the woods, as the riverbank didn't really look all that easy, and I was a little worried about his brace coming off (it's a lot of Velcro stays).  They scurried and hiked so youthfully! 

We finally came to the river and in went Simon!  BAM!  He ran with the other dogs, and his brace kept coming off (sand and Velcro don't mix).  So, I took it off him and allowed him to swim and chase sticks in the water.  Boy!  I haven't seen him that active in ages! 

Now, Samson was one of two smaller dogs there.  He had no interest in dealing with the other one (a puppy) so he blended into the sand (see above) and enjoyed the sun!  Loved watching him laugh and scurry along as we walked further along the riverbed. 

So, the day was long for them, but full of life and vigor.  They'd been up since 6 this morning, and at 645 pm they are finally dimming their lights for the day. 

While our dear ones may have left us physically, their ethereal presence was felt and inhaled today at the river. 

New Breath of Spring

I only just discovered this.  I felt it a good thing to post, even if events present here are no longer the same.  It gives new breath and helps with closure.




The Winter has ceased.  The gloom and pall of death still lingers a bit.  But there is a new energy guiding the pups at home.

Rusty has taken over as the Alpha in the house - odd, but true.  This sage, laid-back guy has become more and more assertive since the passing of Skally.

Not one of these pups is the same, now, that she is no longer keeping watch over them.

Here's what's changed, thus far:
1)  Our walks are shorter.
     Simon doesn't always go for walks in the morning, nor does Rusty.  Instead, they seem to enjoy resting while Sammy and I hit the 'hood.

2)  Cuddle Sessions Are A Must!
      Rusty demands more attention, now, and will nose his way (forcefully, I must say) to me and shove the others out.  Simon loves being rubbed, as he always did, but now he demands more.  Samson crawls up on my chest and licks my face (Curse you Candy Crush Soda Saga - I cannot do both!).
So, lots of love going around.

3)  Don't Bump Rusty!
     This means you mayn't bump, touch, cross closely in front of, hit, knock down, annoy, tease, or do anything that Rusty mightn't like.  If you do, there is a nasty snarl/bark, and his jaws come crashing down on whatever he can get his jaws on.  Oh, yes!  That loving fluff o' fur is standing up for his rights, now.

4)  Samson cannot sleep without Pig-Pig, Timmy Mouse, Ricky Racoon, and Hammie Hedgehog.
5)  Rusty will chomp on your fingers while playing as you attempt to tie your shoes.
6)  Simon hates his new leg brace.  We'll be trying it on every day and leaving it on a bit just to get him used to it.  But, rather than walking away with it, he goes down and refuses to rise and walk.  He's stubborn.

They're all stubborn.

Sammy is frightened of both Rusty and Simon, now.  I've no idea why.  He plays a great deal in the small dog paddock at the park, watched over by his "aunties", who dote on him and try to have him play with their little uns.

This should begin a flow of new and exciting adventures - and we will see in the near future.

A Paean to Rusty

My Dear Old Laddie:

You came to us afraid and abused.
Your life began again, as your sadness became curiosity and amusement.
You ran, danced and explored for the first times in your life.
You kept your humor about you and were so very trustworthy and loyal.

For nearly four years, you've been by my side after a close brush with death.
But your past crept up and seized your weakness - your left leg and hip.
Although the pain was awful you kept mustering on.
But even pills and love couldn't take that away.

I am choking as I write this and you sleep in the other room.
Your eyes tell me it's time, although I wish it wasn't so.
It's been nearly two months since you woke me early to rise and shine and walk,
Your energy is sapped from dealing with the pain.

I hear your pleas each time you snarl and snap at me when I try to help.
I love you old laddie, my Rusty, my Budagabu,
You'll always remain in my heart.

Although I know the pain is strong,  I still pray for another end,
Wherein you cuddle for four more years, my dear old fluffy friend.
Your smile in spirit, eyes and heart will leave us all in a void,
For they will be missing every second, my dear old darling boy.

This morning you woke me with a cheery bark.
Your eyes so soft and loving and smiling.
You seemed to savor every moment until you, once again, collapsed and vented your pain.
I wish you peace and tranquility with Skally and others.
Please forgive me for not bringing you joy for longer, but the pain was too great for you.

My heart aches and the tears will flow with every thought of you.
I love you still.

A Bittersweet Catch up.

We lost Skally, our Queen, on January 23, 2015.

it was difficult, especially as the remaining three attempted to forge their right as Alpha.  Well, Rusty won out.

During the past 6 months, we've walked, played, and had a pretty laid back existence.  It took some time to adjust, as Skally used to be the one who would, after dinner, begin to hit me to play.  These guys are nothing like that - they aren't instigators, but Rusty soon became one.

We trotted about the neighborhood and went on jaunts to the beach.  Rusty didn't fare well, there.  His hip/leg was becoming more arthritic and he was completely lost.  There was a time when I began to look for signs of dementia - but it was pain.

Simon's leg had been x-rayed and we discovered he had no ligaments or tendons surrounding his knee, which meant either surgery, a brace or both.   We went with the brace.   If I had to try to keep him down for 8 weeks of recovery, I'd lose my mind, as would he!

Samson has mellowed.  Since Rusty took over Sammy is cautious.  This is concerning, but they tend to get along pretty well.

Now, on to Rusty.

If you look back on this blog, when it first began, you'll get his story, and this will help you understand what I'm about to say.

Tomorrow, 6/30/2015, may be Rusty's day of departure from our world.

No, he hasn't cancer or any disease that is bringing him down.

Because of his inactivity for his first 8-9 years, his left leg has always been stiff.  He still managed to leap over logs at the beach, run with the other dogs, and walk long distances with joy and laughter.  And yet, at this juncture, the pain from that leg has become unmanageable.  We've done as much as possible, but if he rests he's good for a block walk, then he becomes agitated and rife with pain.

His quality of life is not good.  He sleeps most of the time, now, and we allow him to walk about when he cares to - but he does slip and collapse where he remains until he feels he can get up.  

He's been attacking Samson and Simon for no apparent reason, and he's been snapping at me and others for simply petting him.

He's in too much pain.  I hope you understand.  Mentally, I do.  Emotionally I am a wreck.

And so, tomorrow, barring anything that might occur that could change things, we're following the advice of Enzo in "The Art of Racing in the Rain".  It's time.

There is a part of me that accepts this is the best course for him, albeit the ultimate act of kindness; however, I feel, deep down, it's an abandonment of him.

There are no words that convey the love of an animal and his "parent".  There are no words that convey the hopelessness one feels at the time of the act of allowing them to enter that sleep that will bring reincarnation to them.  But life moves on and we deal.

Please keep Rusty in your prayers and thoughts as he had no one until that day I brought him home, all 90 pounds of him, ungroomed, unhappy, confused and unloved.  His life changed in so many ways it seems senseless he wasn't to have more years of happiness to enrich our lives.  

A Time For Rest

Skallywag Hunt

September 2, 1998 - January 23, 2015

Yesterday was the true end of an era.

My dog-wife, Skallywag (Skatia Matilda Carmetlita Marie) passed on to be with her two brothers, Syd and Cubby.

This wasn't unexpected.  But the hole in our lives is truly a wide and deep abyss.

Skally has had some health issues, and slowed down in a rather reasonable fashion.

She stopped standing in the window of the car for the entire trip; then just sat.  After a while, though, she began standing again, and it was amazing to see her bright eyed and happy with that wind pouring over her.

She stopped going into the yard.  This was in the past month.  She would stand on the deck, but would walk, instead, to the front door and let me know she needed to use the facilities.

This past week, her smile, for the most part, had receded, and it was obvious she was in pain.  She moved slowly and deliberately, and surprised me a couple of times with her bursts of energy and speed (galloping across the fields, or through the house).

When the time came, though, she couldn't walk anymore.  She ate, albeit only turkey, cheese, and dental chews - this in her last 15 hours.

Her last full day, she was up and bounding about the house.  We went for a walk, and returned, and she ate ravenously.  She was doing quite well.  So I was surprised when I returned from work to find her extending her left hind leg, and hobbling, then collapsing when trying to go to the bathroom.  Later that evening she couldn't even rise to her haunches.  Then I knew.

I stayed up with her from 2am (when she woke me with barking - she wanted help moving from the position she was in in the living room), and we chatted about her life.  So much to remember!  So many adventures!  So much fun and wonderment.

She'd had a grand life.

She was an icon.

So many people have expressed their thoughts and regrets on her loss.

I had no idea how empty everything would be without her.

The three remaining have a great deal of life, but that ominous presence of hers is notably missing.

She was my companion, my counselor, my best friend, and my greatest thorn.  I've no real words that would put  into perspective what she meant to my life.

The past 4 days I kept thinking to the first chapter of The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein, and realizing this was the message she was giving me.

My heart is still with you and your brothers, my pet.  I have more loving to give to the others, but our history is long and a fantastic tale.

I miss you and I hope you save a place for me when the time comes for me to join you.